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The British Invasion FAQ
Version 1 Release 1 Revision 81
(bisfaq01-01-81 (Web Mix))
This is the F.A.Q. for TMF's British Invasion board.
It was written by many of the contributors to the board, their
names can be found in small italics
after the answers.
What is TMF?
Okay wiseguy, what is The Motley Fool?
Will this FAQ answer all my questions?
Does this FAQ replace an earlier one?
What is the purpose of the British Invasion board?
So, do you still do any invading these days?
What was the 7th April Campaign?
Did Sapper iccy actually read "War and Peace"?
Was that bit about him appearing in pantomime true?
What is the Hearts and Minds Campaign?
Who are the Three Musketeers & D'artagnan?
Who are the leaders of the British Invasion Squadron?
How did WorldRecordGuy an American, become The
Bloody King of England?
What or who is HRHh, and what does it stand for?
What has Field Marshal Lord mhowel done to rise so high?
And what about Colonel Lawrence? Tell me about him.
Being so far from home, lonely, and in unfamiliar
surroundings, how do the troops manage to stay out of trouble?
What are the BIS balls?
When is the next BI ball?
What is iccy's name this week?
Which Invader suffered the greatest injury?
What is foolicide?
Do I need a rank?
What is a covert op?
Which Invader is considered the most valuable covert
Are there any dress regulations?
Who is responsible for the Squadron's supplies?
Where does the BI get its funding?
What is a moneyclip?
Who is the youngest member of the Squadron?
Who was the most unique operative?
Does General codefusion employ a decoder?
Which is the best post on this board?
Do the laws of physics apply on this board?
Do the Invaders secretly prefer coffee to tea?
Which is best, MizBlue's strawberry cream pie, tisonlyme's
ginger cakes, or MrsEPeel's stollen?
What is panto mode?
I have more questions, what should I do?
Is there anything that you, the editor of the FAQ,
would like to add?
Q. What is TMF?
A. TMF stands for The Motley Fool.
Q. Okay wiseguy, what is The Motley
A. The Motley Fool is a financial website which encourages
readers to take control of their own finances. They have both a
The motto of TMF is "Educate, Enrich and Amuse". In addition to
the finance related message boards there are a number of
off-topic boards where people can post messages about whatever
they like (within the rules and guidelines that are signed up
to during the registration process), The British Invasion board
is by far the best of these.
Sadly the message boards of The Motley Fools' US site are
now for subscribed members only.
Q. Will this FAQ answer all my
A. There is no way that this FAQ will answer all your questions;
if it did, there would be no need for a revision of the FAQ in
the future, nor would you have to stick around and read the
board! It is designed to answer only frequently asked questions
(hence the title), and some infrequently asked ones that people
came up with good answers for (Funnily Answered Questions).
Q. Does this FAQ replace an earlier
A. Yes, sort of,
Q. What is the purpose of the British
A. The original purpose of the British Invasion board is lost
in the mists of time, though if you read the first 1000 posts,
you'll get a clue. Posts such as
from the ever generous MizBlue, led to a rethinking of the
original flawed strategy.
Nowadays the board exists mainly to foster greater understanding
between all the posters here, whether British, American, German,
French Samoan or whatever. Oh, and we like to have a laugh too.
Q. So, do you still do any invading
A. No, not really. We do still have victories though; one of
the greatest strategies has gone down in BI history as the
Meringue Manoeuvres. Under the direction of Eslington, inferior
Lemon Meringue Pies were purchased at a bargain rate (with the
aid of Moneypenny's contacts) and utilized as missiles. The
enemy was SPLATTered in every corner and by ambush, creating
such disgust, that they backed off in defeat. There was no
residual waste; it went down in history as being "for the birds."
For information, here are the
last known invasion rules.
Q. What was the 7th April
A. This was the greatest bluff since 1939, when a bunch of
British football fans stood behind a robust French wall and
chanted "Come on over here if you think you're hard enough!"
Strangely though, this time it worked,
Sapper iccy first congratulated America
and then almost single-handedly took her to pieces. He posted
"War and Peace" in it's entirety, and was later decorated
(really!) for posting above and beyond the call of duty.
Calls home for reinforcements were made.
Sadly the least said about the response the better! That post
explained the aim; the result was a total victory gained by
a handful of Brits with their Empire loyalists, standing behind
iccy's stout wall of "War and Peace". Colonel Lawrence remained
holed up with Britney Spears in St. Tropez for much of the day,
protecting the Squadron's most secret weapon, it was this action
that gave the operation it's code name, STD (St. Tropez Day), we
went topless and trounced our beloved cousins as the days posts
Sapper iccy also plays the saxophone, which has driven away
many foes and has proven quite effective for guard duty, he is
currently appearing in pantomime at the Bradford Alhambra as
Buttons the saxophonist (Tickets available on the door).
Q. Did Sapper iccy actually read "War
A. Yes, twice, and probably again soon.
Q. Was that bit about him appearing in
A. Of course not!
Q. What is the Hearts and Minds
A. The Hearts & Minds Campaign is the steadfast posting to the
BIS Board at TMF, without maliciousness or hate, and always in
good humour. It is our belief that no matter what your race,
creed, colour, religion, planetary system, the number of your
stars, the colour of your stars, or your spelling ability,
your post strengthens the board. We are led by the motto and
attitude of our Three Musketeers & D'artagnan "All for One and
One for All."
Mrs E Peel
Q. Who are the Three Musketeers &
A. D'artagnan is iccy
Athos is Ezlington
Porthos is ColonelLawrence
Arimis is codefusion
Mrs E Peel
Q. Who are the leaders of the British
A. From the top down:
HRHh WorldRecordGuy, The Bloody King of England.
Field Marshal Lord mhowel.
Commanding Officer Colonel Lawrence.
Q. How did WorldRecordGuy an
American, become The Bloody King of England?
this rather ballsy move
while we were away invading. We ignored him, and he not only
hasn't gone away since, he now claims to be the Queen as well.
Q. What or who is HRHh, and what does
it stand for?
A. Sorry, but
the virtual monarchy of BI is retarded.
Q. What has Field Marshal Lord mhowel
done to rise so high?
A. He led the troops through the bloodiest, grittiest trench
battles. With the promise of a pint for every member, the
Invaders fearlessly followed him into battle. Probably no other
leader inspired such loyalty to Queen, country, and the local
Q. And what about Colonel Lawrence?
Tell me about him.
A. Colonel Lawrence is stationed in Arabia. Incensed with
injustice in the harems, he has been engaged in relations of
great delicacy via direct orders from the Prince. The popular
expression, "I'll walk a mile for a Camel" is attributed to him.
Considered a knowledgeable and wise man, when he returns to
headquarters he generously bears gifts of gold, frankincense,
and myrrh. (Does anyone have any recipes for myrrh?)
Q. Being so far from home, lonely, and
in unfamiliar surroundings, how do the troops manage to stay
out of trouble?
A. Emma holds the Invaders' balls. This takes off some of the
Q. What are the BIS balls?
A. The balls are generally held for a week to give all
troopers a chance to join in the festivities. Even though the
board may be slow on a given day, take a few minutes to enjoy
the decorations, food & music. Someone is always virtually
around to take a spin around the dance floor, or walk about
the grounds for relaxation from the festivities. So please post
new, reply to any post, and feel a part of our balls.
This lyric was the inspiration
for the balls.
Mrs E Peel
Q. When is the next BI ball?
A. You can find a full schedule for the balls
Mrs E Peel
Q. What is iccy's name this
A. SapperIccy1776, no wait, SuperIccy, no, wait, IccyPop... For
heaven's sake, will someone please take the pen and the roll of
name tags away from iccy for just 5 minutes????
Q. Which Invader suffered the greatest
A. That would have to be Eslington, after his first
He morphed into special operative HeadLice, suffered great head
trauma, and became preoccupied about his mates and reproduction
of his species. Thoroughly disliked as he tried to get ahead,
he was often declared a big itch by those who wanted to scratch
him off. His sole successor, a Louse, was overcome by
loneliness and rejection when consigned to an armed pit. Just
when it appeared he was going down the drain, he morphed again.
He's now an S.S. man. (Stress-Syndrome)
Q. What is foolicide?
A. Well, more to the point what was it? As foolicide is now
history! Long ago and far away when you changed your user name
all things changed! All was lost; stars, faves, recs, post
counts, portfolios, everything! It was as if you had opened a
new account when you changed your user name. As a protest at
an arbitrary limit of only being permitted 100 favourite Fools
Eslington changed names on 999 posts and gave up his red
The act of public immolation brought notoriety to the BI board
and resulted in TMF actually taking notice of the Improve the
Fool board. All too often good points were raised both here and
in the UK on the respective Improve the Fool boards and no
feedback or changes were forthcoming. Because of the attention
the sacrifice of a red star gained there seemed to be a sea
change in the attitude of TMF. A subsequent upgrade (initially
disastrous) restored all the lost posts to Eslington (and
others who had changed their name), though all favourite Fools
were lost. There was a bonus to the faithful, those who had
re-faved the fully reciprocating lover HeadLice (Eslington's
new and irritating user name) now had 2 loves from the one
individual This lasted until HeadLice again committed foolicide
on 1998 posts and became HeadLouse. A subsequent upgrade
deleted multiple faves.
Foolicide was a British Invasion invention and it initiated a
more responsive attitude from our beloved TMF techies.
Q. Do I need a rank?
A. Only on Tuesdays after tiffin. Okay, the serious answer is
that you don't need a rank to post on the BI board, and not
everyone does, but the regulars of the British Invasion Squadron
(BIS) all have them, except Ezlington. You can get a rank by
turning up and claiming to be that rank. Either everyone
believes you or they don't. Simple, eh? Otherwise ranking is
best done in the privacy of your own home with the curtains
drawn. Sorry, that's something else...
Q. What is a covert op?
A. 'Cover top' with the space in the wrong place. Okay, okay,
it is something done in secret, and therefore we can't tell you
anything else about it. Sorry.
Q. Which Invader is considered the most
valuable covert operator?
A. We don't believe we can name just one. The BIS unit has the
best in the world. One of the most valuable operatives was
cavebat, known for her stealth flights and superb radar control.
When asked how she was doing, she invariably replied, "Hanging
in there." One time she was discovered upright; it was later
found that she was practicing yoga.
Q. Are there any dress
A. No real dress regulations to speak of. Ladies should show as
much cleavage as possible and a good amount of leg. Female
attire should be generally decorous, a tad tight and as short
as modesty allows (a bit like FM Lord mhowell) except on ball
nights when appropriate dress is required. There will be
regular inspection of dress and particulars will be taken down.
Any gentlemen caught wearing dresses will be conscripted to
serve as a Conservative Member Of Parliament. There are costumes
in the cupboard used for the balls, but you don't have to wear
anything if that's your preference. Please be advised, however,
that the Seven-Veil costume is for the exclusive use of Sapper
iccy. Also, Titanya was last seen in the French maid's outfit
with torn fishnet stockings. Big Bertha was looking for another
just like it but couldn't find one large enough.
Ascalon/MizBlue/Mrs E Peel
Q. Who is responsible for the Squadron's
A. Moneypenny. Ever budget-wise, she can pound a pound. When
food supplies are low, she skillfully persuades MmmDonuts to
share. Aide to the office of the General, she also writes memos
and sends out invitations when Emma holds balls.
Q. Where does the BI get its
A. UKBankerBoy contacts online banks via post. Anxious to send
him on his way, the bankers provide the loans for which he begs
"What is a moneyclip?").
Q. What is a moneyclip?
A. For most of us, it's an empty piece of metal, for UKBB it's
something different. The money clip is the weapon of choice for
It is used mostly to annoy codey.
but has also been used to repel invaders.
and worked quite well too!
It also makes a dandy shield.
And UKBB always keeps plenty of decoys handy.
The money clip isn't used too much anymore in following with
iccy's Hearts and Minds Campaign. But UKBB keeps it ready and
References: How to Use a Money Clip as a Weapon by Swift Toss.
Q. Who is the youngest member of the
A: Baby Sammy -- who was almost born on the board. The Squadron
followed Daddy snr to the hospital where he helped bring his
son into the world. There was a great camp celebration
afterwards, and one month later the boy was on post duty.
Q. Who was the most unique
A. TheBlindSquirrel. Because he couldn't see, the enemy
believed him quite harmless. His acute hearing enabled him to
learn their deepest military secrets. This compensated for his
inability to find his way back to headquarters in less than
Q. Does General codefusion employ a
A. Yes. codey, as the code smith is affectionately known, has
no equal. No matter how cryptic a message or post, he can
accurately decode it. He's also extremely competent in
translation and interpretation, particularly statements made by
females. His encryption skills are also legendary. One night,
with the aid of a code in his node, he sat in a crypt and sent
a message, which to this day remains a mystery (even to himself).
Q. Which is the best post on this
A. The answer is
Q. Do the laws of physics apply on this
A. You mean like: 'What goes up, gotta come down'? The answer,
plain and simple, is: No. Of course, there is a longer answer
that completely contradicts this.
Q. Do the Invaders secretly prefer
coffee to tea?
A. Tea, always. Yorkshire tea first thing in the morning, nice
and strong with two or three sugars, and a splash of milk.
Later, a nice cup of Darjeeling or another of India's generally
fine brews as may be found in Mrs Ghandi's Tea Emporium in the
High Street. (next to Mrs Higgins' Pie Shoppe). In mid to late
afternoon, officers may partake of an Earl Grey. Herbal brews
are acceptable, although there will obviously be some
name-calling if you are caught, so don't be. Coffee is
generally best regarded as the dark runny outpouring of the
devil's nadgers, and will not be tolerated unless it's with
cigars and a fine Cognac after dinner. Then it's okay. Or
unless you want to stay awake to post, then it's okay too.
Q. Which is best, MizBlue's strawberry
cream pie, tisonlyme's ginger cakes, or MrsEPeel's
A. All a matter of taste and etiquette. MizBlue's strawberry
cream pie is best for elevenses with a nice cuppa. Ginger cakes
are jolly good for a change of pace and in the afternoon for
tea. However, you had best be prepared to make room for
MrsEPeel's fine stollen at any time, although generally early
evening is considered best.
Q. What is panto mode?
A. That's where everyone dresses up as a camel. Oh no, it isn't!
Oh yes, it is! Or maybe it's where everyone swaps passwords
and turns up as another character on the board. Except this
has never happened. Oh yes, it has!! Oh no, it hasn't!
Q. I have more questions, what should I
A. Ask in our
Q. Is there anything that you, the
editor of the FAQ, would like to add?
A. Yes, thanks for asking.
The answers in this FAQ were contributed by many of the posters
here. Special thanks must go to ciggles (ciggs), CindyC72, Barb
(Bbritts), MizBlue, Emma (MrsEPeel), KingJoker, UKBankerBoy,
WorldRecordGuy, Ezlington and Ascalon.
Thanks, also, for further thoughts, ideas and research to iccy
(SapperIccy1776) and Obviousman.
Extra special thanks to Barb for proofreading.
And extra special thanks to Emma too, for helping out with it
A fuller description of how this FAQ was put together can be